It’s oh so quiet.

It’s oh so quiet.

This summer a dear friend of mine introduced me to the Bjork song “It’s Oh So Quiet.” I have since learned that it is a cover of an old 50′s song of the same name. Both versions are fantastic, but I have a deep love for Bjork’s high pitched squeals.

The song was played for me after a long conversation about relationships and love that left me in a puddle of tears. The range of my emotions this summer was intense.

I spent the next week playing the song on repeat. Blasting it in my car with the windows down and my hair flying crazily around my face.

At the time I identified with a middle ground. My love life wasn’t quiet but it wasn’t quite scream worthy either. Despite my desperate desire for it to be.

Now it has been almost four months since I first heard the song. Lately I have not been able to play it past the first 15 seconds. “It’s oh so quiet. It’s oh so still. You’re all alone and so peaceful until…”

Those words are exactly where I am. I’m not ready to move past that point either.

In August I decided not to date again until November. Many people questioned the reasonableness of such a demand. Why can’t I just date when I feel like it? It’s not that easy for me.

It is not a secret that I have big reactions to everything. I feel everything deeply and I jump head first into most everything I do. I needed a deadline to remind me that jumping head first into love isn’t always the best idea.

Can love happen quickly? Absolutely. I’m open to that. I’ve felt that. BUT, I also need to have my head clear, my eyes open, and my heart mended before I can love quickly and confidently.

The next time I jump into love I want it to be right. I want to look at the person in front of me and without doubt say, “yes, this is where I want to be.” I can’t do that if I am still healing from an old wound. I used to be that person. I used to use new relationships to fix old ones. No more. Now I know better. Now I think before I speak. I ask  even more questions and I trust my instinct.

Will something magical happen November 1st? Probably not. Will I immediately be asked on a dozen dates? Doubtful. But at the very least I will know that I spent three months focused on healing. And  who knows, maybe I’ll take another three.

It’s oh so quiet. I may be playing the rest of the song sooner than I think, but for right now, I am exactly where I need to be.